Day 19: It's time to grow up

This sickness must me clarifying because I feel so much peace and clarity. 

WARNING! If you get offended easily or could feel major conviction you should probably stop reading.

So here it is. I have been feeling extremely torn the past couple of weeks. Here I am a young wife and mother and all of my friends are single girls who are looking for fun. I am not saying there is anything wrong with being single or having fun. I like to have fun too!

BUT It comes to a point where "fun" isn't so fun anymore. I am tired of trying to keep up with my single friends that can party all night and sleep all day. I love them very much but I am a mom. Ava doesn't let me sleep all day lol. I chose my path in life and I wouldn't take any part of it back. 

I believe everything happens for a reason. God gave me my husband and my daughter. In the past couple of months I have seen more of my birth mother in myself than ever before. Going out with my girl friends a lot, going to hookah bars, etc. I am done with this. I NEVER want to be like my birth mother. Abandoning my daughter is not something I want her to ever have to know. 

Now that Nick is gone I really have to step up my parenting game. I am now mother and father (for now). I have to be sensitive and nurturing and stern and disciplining. It is hard. I never want Ava to feel neglected even if at this age she won't remember. 

I am feeling torn because I love my friends but I need to be able to be the best mother and wife I can be and I don't know if I can do that and maintain my friendships.

So here is the change.. this is the part where I grow up.. and apart from the ways of the world.. and if that means losing friends.. so be it.. 

God has called me for so much more. It is time to grow up, stop talking and start listening.

I suppose that is all for now.. Stay tuned as the days grow longer and my heart grows stronger.