You know, when Nick decided to join the Marines I didn't know that they would not only break him down but also, break me down.
I called the post office today just to make sure that my letters were sent and wouldn't be returned to me or whatever and they said that it is virtually impossible for that many letters to not reach their destination or to not have been returned to me.
So, they must be holding them from him. I understand they need to break them down in order to build them up, but at this point it's killing him and me.
I think the worst part is that my husband, the man that means more than anything to me on this planet thinks I don't care about him. He thinks that I have forgotten him and that I don't care enough to write. I know that he will eventually get the letters and know that I have been writing and that I do care about him very much and that I miss him very much, but his letters are so depressing right now.
I am so emotionally, mentally, and physically shot right now it is insane. I have slept a total of 3 hours in 3 days so that doesn't really help all that much.
I am in "survival mode". A place where I do what I can to get by, but it isn't really living. Everyone has noticed that I am not my normal "bubbly" self, but what can you expect when my other half is so far away. He doesn't know what is going on at home and if Ava and I are okay. What we are doing or how we are doing. I am just doing my daily routines, I don't want to be around people or spend time outside of the house. I just want to hang out at home and wallow in my self pity.
I am in a FUNK.
I want to be out of this funk but it is really hard. If I got a letter from Nick knowing that he got my letters I think that would snap me out of the funk.
Well, I suppose that is all for now.
Stay tuned as the days grow longer and my heart grows stronger.
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