Day 9: Perspective

Wow, looking over the past couple of weeks at statuses on Facebook, blogs, and just general conversations with people I have realized that a lot of bad stuff has happened to people around me. I have then taken that and personalized it. So although the bad stuff didn't exactly happen to me I let it kill my joy.

So here it is, the way you look at things (a.k.a. Perspective!) in life is everything. You can look at life everyday as something bad is going to happen or you can look at it like something good is going to happen. If a negative thing happens it is only to help you in the long run. I have been trying very hard to find the joyful things in life and focus on the positive. Yes, everyone has bad days but, it is what you do with those bad days that matters.

Realizing that you have to make a concious choice everyday to see the good in people, keep the faith, and be joyful is the first step. It doesn't just come naturally. Everyone has something good in them. Even if you have to look really hard.

So, here is my choice from now on.. JOY!

Stay tuned as the days grow longer and my heart grows stronger.

Day 7: How much time?

I missed a few days out of pure busyness and exhaustion.

In the past 72 hours I have had a total of 6 hours of sleep. And most of that sleep was last night. I think that it is getting easier to fall asleep but it still isn't the same. When you are so used to having someone there and they are all the sudden gone it is like a piece of you is missing. But at least my heart is reassured because I know that he will be in my arms again.

I came to the realization in all my self pity how truly strong Heidi (Nick's cousins wife) is. Here she is just lost her soul mate. She is feeling like I am feeling only she will never get to hold him again here on earth. I want to apologize to Heidi for my total disregard.

God has a truly unique way of speaking to me through other peoples situations. And I am really seeing peoples pain. I know I can't help everyone in the world and I know I can't take away everyones pain. You never know what people are going through. If you are like me I usually try to hide my feelings and pretend things are okay but, lately I have had my heart on my sleeves. I think that God is trying to soften my hard heart and feel the way he feels about people.

I still miss my husband and I am still working on the kinks in my life but, God is doing something BIG in my life.

Stay tuned as the days get longer and my heart grows stronger.

Day 4: Days like today

Oh man.. it has already been 4 days! I can't believe it! Only... 87ish more to go... I'm glad that it seems to be going by pretty quick.

BUT...

It's days like today that I just want to come home from work and melt into his arms.

Today there was so much that went on I don't even know where to start. We have 11 teachers and our director everyday one person has the day off. So we start with 10. Then Tari had an emergency with her water heater!! Oh man!! So now we have 9. Then Lisa's family comes into town early!! Yay!! Now we have 8. Then Rhonda's little girl as a 102 temperature!! Holy Cow!! Now we have 7!! Also, Jessica our director was out for an appointment.. she totally deserved the day off!! Yay!! In the end we ended with 6 of us. Now if you don't realize how many kids per teacher there is allowed and then we have after schoolers still to come you might think that its no big deal... but it was a HUGE deal. On top of that the kids were EXTRA naughty today!! I could have pulled my hair out!!

So now I just need to relax and vent on here since my honey isn't here to vent to!

In other good news.. Ava's birthday is tomorrow!!! Yay!!! Can't believe my baby is so big.

Still miss my honey but I am glad time seems to be going pretty fast.

Well that's all for tonight. Stay tuned as the days get longer and my heart grows stronger.

Day 3: Realization.

Well after having an awful night/morning I came to the realization that I am a lot more dependent on my other half than I thought.

First let me back up and tell you about my night. So, I decided to go get some grocery shopping done since the laundromat was jam packed full of people. (Who would have thought that the laundromat was such a popular place on a Tuesday night.. I thought I had accidentally driven to Buffalo Wild Wings or something.  Oh right, grocery shopping. So I get to the store and realize I forgot my list so I figure oh well I'll just wing it. So I get done shopping and realize that I forgot my debit card in the car. So I tell the lady I need to run and get it but I'll be back before she finishes ringing up my groceries. So I go out there find my card which had fallen under the seat and run back inside only after locking my keys in the car. So I come back out with my groceries and realize what I had done. So I get out my phone and start to call Nick... Well then I realize that he isn't anywhere near a place he can help me.

So, here it is. I always thought I was this tough independent woman and it turns out I am dependent on my husband for a lot! Things such as: anything with the car i.e.: oil change, gas, locking keys inside, etc., reminders i.e.: take lunch to work with me, waking up for work ( he is my alarm clock), etc.

I guess what I am trying to say is it is going to be a long eye opening 12 1/2 ish weeks.

Come home soon honey!! I need you!! :)

Well, I suppose that is all for now. Stay tuned as the days grow longer and my heart grows stronger.

Day 2: Back to "Normal".

So here we are Tuesday, the next day, so everything should be back to our normal routine right? Well, what do you consider "Normal"? I woke up without my other half, got Ava ready and went to work, went to the store and locked my keys in my car, went to call my honey for help and realized he isn't going to be able to come and help me, came home to an empty house.

It is difficult for me to come home to an empty house and realize that this is "normal" now, at least for a little while. And I hate this "normal". I hated the feeling when I realized Nick couldn't come running to my rescue like he has so many times before. I guess you don't realize how much a spouse does for you until they aren't there to do it anymore.

As much as it sucks for me to be here I can only imagine what it must be like for him. At least here I have family and friends to surround me with love and support. He doesn't have that. He is truly alone. Being torn down to be brought up the way the Marines want him. When I look at it that way it makes my heart break in an entirely different way. I miss my future marine and I can't wait to be in his arms again.

Well, that is all for now. Stay tuned as the days grow longer and my heart grows stronger.

Day 1: the departure.

When Nick told me he wanted to join the Marines I was a little apprehensive but, it has been something he has wanted to do for a long time so I said okay. When he swore in it still felt like we had so long before he had to leave so I was still feeling pretty fine. We had our ups and downs with the stress of unemployment, a sick child, etc. When we got married we said till death do us part and that is what we both meant. No matter how low our valleys we both know how much we love each other.

So Nick left today, and this is one of those times you almost wish your relationship was in a valley so it wouldn't be so hard to let him leave. I tried to be strong and hold it together but Nick and I have never been apart for longer than a few days. This is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with.

I am so proud of him. He has done so much for our little fam[ily] and now he is making one of the biggest sacrifices of our lives. He is such an amazing man and I will be here holding down the fort until he is back in my arms again.

Watching him walk through security and onto the beginning of our future I couldn't help but smile and cry. It will be a hard few months and I will miss him every second of every day. I am surrounded by so much love and support it is an incredible feeling.

Well, that's all for now I suppose. Stay tuned as the days get longer and my heart grows stronger.